glo bull’id’jits
wrap’dinplastik

I grew up in the Midwest, US of A,

in a beat-up, never-was town

Still live near the same junction, 

reckon I'll stay on there till I expire

My folks used to gussy us up ev'ry 

month and drive us to Sioux City

That's 'bout as far as we ever got. 

All growed up, I rarely go that far

Do all my buyin’ at Walmart now 

and a Goodwill beneath my place

The wife moved on to greener pastures, 

as it were. I don't much care

She was squawking as she slammed 

the door, "You'll amount to nothin’!"

I never felt highly of her opinions 

on most things. She was a real cunt!

It's true…I don't go far, but I know 

my actions are changin’ the world

And yeah, I may just be a simple man, 

yet I am one of collective billions

I play a wee part in the grand scheme, 

but I'm makin’ a tangible impact

I smile because I can pert near feel 

the global influence that I'm havin’

Seen adverts for travel to far-flung, 

tropical places, like Hawaii ’n Dubai

Movie stars flyin’ from every which-

where to paradise, yachtin’ ’n such

I don't have the means to do like that, 

but I do contribute in my own way

Ev'ry time I crack open the kitchen 

cupboard to garbage it—I'm grinnin’

Knowing my deeds are furtherin’ 

the human race to the veritable edge

And I accept that I'll never be able 

to afford to travel like others can do

But each time I toss a bag, plastic food 

wrap or some ridiculous packagin’

Which I do a fair few times a day, 

I'm starvin’ another batch of sea turtles

'Specially the females—bellies 

irreversibly gettin’ clogged 

with cellophane

We gotta keep churnin’ out the plastics 

and trashin’ 'em, until they get it

Turns out that island of rubbish thrice 

the size of Texas, ain't yet big enough

Water bottles, ev'ry snack, 

frozen foods…mental—

puttin' peppers in plastic

Gonna take a shit-ton more dino-carbon 

for the world to grasp its stupidity

But I am making a difference and 

I never once had to leave the Midwest

Did you get all that…you silly, fuckin’, 

self-righteous, creature-lovin’ cunt?

I got me six beers, freezer

pizza 'n some BBQ chips.

Hells yeah—life is good!

Humans, specially 

my ex-wife and sea turtles, 

be like straight-up mega-dumb